Can't sleep, have I been punked?

It's been a while, so here's my latest card reading:

... BUT FIRST...

Interesting words.

"I don't have a boyfriend, I've been saying that for like a month."

Uhhhh....

Sidetrack: here is a fake question that nobody has asked me. Don't thank me, thank the science of make-believe.

"So... why do you announce this publicly on a blog, even use a name?"
Well, I'm bad at keeping my secrets. Other people's secrets? I'm a vault. Because they're not mine to toy with. My secrets? I've got two good secrets. One of which I havn't told anyone except one person, although my parents know, my brother knows, and anyone I went to college with at FIU that knew me in high school also knows. I keep it a secret so I don't embarass my parents for exposing them for bad parents who, on the surface, say they'd do anything for their first born, but when the rubber meets the road, I'm on my own.

The second secret I keep to myself because, if the average person knew it, they might think I was lying because it's extremely flattering towards myself. Lets just say that sometimes I make claims here that seem unsubstantiated, but, I assure you, that they completely legitimate. And I'll leave it at that.

Now, the real reason is that my philosophy is that honest communication can do no wrong. It's the only way to get what you want when what you want is what they want.

Since I'm obviously a great guy with lots of great qualities, if she were to find out, that would be good and stuff. I'm financially stable, I'm entertaining, I'm loving, I'm loyal, I kick ass at Tetris Attack, and I'm a good lay. Can't go wrong, girl.

Another quote of the night:
"I know for a fact that someone likes me, and I like them, and that's nice."

Hooo boy, now, this is absolutely a sharp, deadly, double edged blade. This could be very good news, if she did, in fact, know my non-secret. Or this could be very very bad news, at least for me, if she is referring to someone else.

THIS is why I tried to give up my old ways. The new theory was that I'm not allowed to like someone unless they are willing to make an effort to see if they can like me. The idea is that you ask a girl out that you MAY find interesting and can crush on. If she says yes, then she's thinking the same thing about you: "hey, this guy MIGHT be interesting and I might crush on him." And from there, we find out. Together. Doesn't that sound nice?

But, yes, ladies and gents, I ignored that. Why? Maybe it's not having been with anyone for a year. Maybe it's the loneliness of driving two hours to and from work every day, that makes me wish I could look forward to coming home and seeing my mate. Maybe it's that the kind of qualities I like in a girl are rare at best and I feel like I need to grasp on and not let go.

So I can't sleep because I don't know who she was talking about. Arg! Suspense.

But then she can't possibly be talking about me, because she said no, right? Although... that's how I took it. What if (just suppose) the frown was because she really DID want to go out with me but did genuinely have plans? Hey, I didn't even consider that possibility.

Don't judge me. Don't fucking judge me. Stop judging me. I can feel you judging me.

I did wake up enough to have another tarot run for me. Here's what it says:

How you feel about yourself now (The Hanged Man)
You feel a little confused and perhaps fearful because you sense or know that there is someone or something you need to give up to be able to move on. This self-sacrifice isn’t always clear - you may not even know quite what or whom you should give up. This is a time of passage from one phase of your life to another and The Hanged Man can signify a time of spiritual development too. Perhaps you need to try and look at things from a different prospective.

What you most want at this moment (The Lovers)
The cards suggest Erik, that what you most want at this time is to know what choice to make - carry on as you are or take a risk? The risk offers excitement and change and staying as you are .... Well you know what that has to offer. Dare to love, dare to live?

Your fears (The Devil)
You are afraid that it's out of control, you simply cannot resist this passionate attraction. Despite the fact its addictive and unlikely to be right, you just can’t stop yourself. Whatever it is, a passion for someone who’s not good for you, money deals that are too good to be true or any other kind of temptation, try to resist, as it is unlikely to have a positive outcome. If you're feeling low in self-belief and self worth and doubt your abilities, don’t, have more confidence - its not too late to change direction.

What is going for you (The Fool)
This is an exciting time with much potential for fun and good times. Your confidence should be high, it's a great time for new possibilities. If you are considering leaving your job, home or relationship, in time you will. An unexpected desire will be fulfilled, even before you express it!

What is going against you (Strength)
Your negativity and lack of self control are your real enemies. If you are finding certain addictions in your life are taking a hold, be it smoking or drinking for example, look inward for you hearts true strength and self-belief. Change your attitude and be positive and you will reap great rewards.

Outcome (The Magician)
A time of positive action with great potential, you are full of self-belief and feeling very empowered. It's time to show everyone exactly what you’re made of. You will have the ability to think on your feet and The Magician is an excellent omen for success.


Holy moley. I could NOT have gotten anything more relevant if I TRIED.

I still don't think I can sleep now, though. I'm gonna be a wreck for the DDR tournament tomorrow. Although I still think it's my weight. I thought my diet has been going well because of how my clothes are fitting, but I still have 40 pounds to lose from my low point a year ago.

And I've got to look good for my lady.