Gasping for Blood

-imaginary conversation-

"She didn't!"

"Um, she did."

"NO WAY!"

"Seriously, she did. It's great."

"NO - WAY!"

"She totally got me to try Lensmoor."

"Oh, that's what you were talking about. In that case: way."

"And now I hunger for blood."

"Geez, I thought it was something else."

"Blood blood blood!"

"You're a sick man, Erik."

"touch it, bring it, obey it, watch it, turn it, leave it, stop - format it."

"You obviously need help."

"c'mon get down with the sickness"

"Ack, get away from me!"

Reprinted Without Permission

So, I've got tons to stuff on my hard drives. Tons. Including a 12 Gig folder of ebooks. One ebook, in particular, I'm starting to read. I'll give you a hint: it's non-fiction. Or, at least, the author hopes so. Here's another hint. The title of this book is one I'd probably be shamed to announce. Even the very author, if properly googled, will turn up and induce shame upon me, the reader.

Instead, I shall post the first few paragraphs and let you decide what's going on. For the record: I realize I'm being a dumbass. I'm sabotaging myself every step of the way, BUT she's willing to at least humor me by going out with me. Which is more than I can say for most. I'm sure I know who I'm talking about.

Here is goes.

Ok. Here is the first key secret to understanding, not only _____ _________, but any form of influence or persuasion, in any area of life:

There's no such "thing" as love. There's no such "thing" as passion. There's no such "thing" as attraction, or chemistry, or lust.

I know, I know, you're saying. That's the problem ... for most of you, most of the time, there's no such thing. There's just boredom, frustration, and playing with Mr. Winky.

But that's not what I'm talking about, so play close attention. I'm not saying that people don't experience states of "attraction" or "chemistry" or "lust". What I am saying is that these states are processes that take place inside the human mind and body. Which means that they are states that ...

CAN BE SUMMONED FORTH AND DIRECTED AT WILL!!!

Here's an example: "Falling in Love" Exposed!!!

Ok. Since I'm being pretty general and theoretical here let's get a bit more specific and talk about what every woman dreams about: falling in love.

Now, based on what I've said so far, do you think I believe "love" is based on some mysterious "chemistry" that flows between two people? Maybe it's caused by a butt-naked little angel named Cupid who shoots an arrow into your ass?

No. Here's how people fall in love: First, understand you do NOT fall in love with someone when you are in their presence. No. You fall in love when you're off by yourself, thinking about them afterwards. This is why it is so hypnotically powerful, because you are doing it to yourself, and people are always their best hypnotists.

Here's how it happens: you go out with someone, maybe even one date. And then you go home, and you're lying there, thinking about them. And, you form an image of them in your mind. And as you do that, you start to list to yourself all the qualities about them that you like, "She's so, she's so, she's really." Maybe then you picture you and them having lots of fun in all sorts of situations. Then you get that warm, funny feeling right in your solar plexus, and then, the nail in your coffin, you say her name to yourself 2 or 3 times. If you're really a geek, maybe you even dance around the house singing it!! Or you possibly go about bring up her name in every conversation.

Sound familiar? Now, as you recall the times in your past when you did this, were you then able to stay cool, in control of yourself AND the relationship? Or were you calling her every day, always wanting to see her, and eager to kiss her ass, to the point where she, of course, dropped you?

Here's the point: "love" is a process people do to themselves! It's not a "thing" you trip over or a "hole" you fall into. And I know, even though I'm not there watching you, that as I describe it here on paper, you recalled and went through that process yourself, and recalled and went through that process yourself, and recalled the feelings associated with it. And if I can do it to you, on paper, when I'm not even there, then you can, if you know how, skillfully describe this (or any other) process to a woman in your presence, link it to yourself, and in a matter of minutes, cause her ...

UNDERGO THAT PROCESS AND FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU ON THE SPOT, DUMMY!!!

Think about this for a second. The dumb process you did to yourself can now be used to make her fawn all over you, repeatedly and predictably!

Of course, the same thing applies to any other process you want her to run, or state you want her to experience, whether it's forgetting your competitor, (We'll show you how to do this later with my infamous "Boyfriend Destroyer Pattern") or anything else you care to name. If she's done it or experienced it once before, you can get her to do it or experience it with you again!!

How The _____ _______ Thinks Things Differently

In light of that understanding, consider this for just a second. Let's say there's some juicy, super-hot, incredible babe you've lusted after for a long time. And, to further sweeten the scenario, let's say through prayer, good karma, and the intercession of the Pope, you've managed to get a date with her. Should you be asking yourself questions like, "Where should I take her? How should I dress?"

If you only ask yourself these totally unimportant questions, then you are a chump. No. From now on, you'll ask yourself the question I always get the men in my seminars to ask:

If I could create any states of mind I want in this woman, this evening, what states would I want her to experience with me? Ok? How about states of:

*LUST*

*WANTON DESIRE*

*UTTER FASCINATION*

*FEROCIOUS HORNINESS*

*HOPELESSLY IN LOVE*

*SLAVISH OBEDIENCE*

*ORAL FIXATION*

Not bad for starters, huh? If you can get a woman to experience these kind of states in your presence (and to think about you this way obsessively even when you're not around) do you think you are going to wind up with just a polite peck on the cheek, a handshake goodnight, and a "let's just be friends", at the end of the evening? Or is she going to be all over you like flies on a mortician? You see, rather than thinking of how to get her to do all the behaviors you want from her, i.e., humping, sucking, etc., first think of what states of mind you want her to be in; states where it would be natural for her to do all those nasty things to and with you.

Wow, that's a lot of things. That's sad, yet controlling, yet resigned, yet manipulative, yet birthed-of-frustration.

I'm not a good enough actor to actually TRY anything this dude suggests... and probably too ethical to do it even if I could get away with it (damn my moral fiber)... these are wild claims. Wild clams indeed.

(typo retained for comedy value)

Gearshift

I'm tired about whining about my love life. So, without further ado--

Sandwich of the Day!

This is a sandwich I wish I had but am not having. I've fixed my metabolism so I feel like I'm getting healthier these days. Here's the sandwich:



It's the Monte Cristo sandwich from Bennigans. How can you make a sandwich into an orgasm?

Quoth the Raven:
The Monte Cristo
This sandwich is stacked with ham, turkey, and Swiss and American cheeses on wheat bread, then battered and fried 'til golden. Dusted with powdered sugar and accompanied by red raspberry preserves for dipping.

So there. I am eating this with my eyes only and then turning to this slim jim here. Not the same, but I'm always on the hunt for surrogates.

 > Link < 

Sweetness

Wanna know what the sweetest complement a drunk girl has ever said to me?

"You're a diamond in the rough."

Too bad it isn't that good: in reality I'm only probably only an amethyst or something. Because if I was a diamond, wouldn't that mean you'd want to polish it and take it for yourself? She should.

BUT, combined later, this same girl told me, that when I find someone special....

"That hussy will take you away from me."

AWWWWWW

How could you not love that?

Longing

"You're something else."

She told me.

When I told her to turn her head.

So I could kiss her.

Without doing something stupid.


I long for someone. I crave her, but she doesn't return.

Girls shouldn't be allowed to say "you're a really nice guy." They shouldn't. That is just 100% synonymous with "I'm safe around you, I like you, just not enough to open my heart to you and see what can become of this."
I'm such a nice guy, huh?

I hate that I've been swept up. I hate that little subtle things that I discover about Diana are right out of my book of secret desires, almost verbatim. Almost as if she stole it and read it and tried to emulate her. From meaningless answers to meaningless questions, to gestures and expressions, to the addictive smell and touch. Shame on me, thinking I could ever have feelings returned. I know better. I'm old enough to know better, just too young to care.

The proper thing would be to part ways and speak not ever again. But I can't do that. I'm incapable of just abandoning someone because they don't want something I do. It is in this way that I lack the necessary self-preservation skills. I can't help how I feel about her, but I can help how I behave. And yet I refuse to. I'm a glutton for punishment.

You could say I'm broken hearted. Sure. You could say that. I'll just say

Business as usual.

Wednesday Reading

This one I can't comment on. I won't. I refuse to throw my opinions into this one.

(and, um, I'm at work.)

how you feel about yourself now (The Devil)
You are feeling that the temptation of a certain relationship, pastime or other form of pleasure is too hard to resist - its almost addictive. Question your motives, these sorts of situations aren’t generally good news. You may also have rather low self esteem at this time and feel that there’s not much hope for the future - don’t doubt your abilities, try to be more positive. Think carefully, you can still change direction.

what you most want at this moment (The Star)
The cards suggest Erik, that what you most want at this time is some good fortune, a bright and happy future. If you have been ill, suffered bereavement or disappointment in love, your luck is about to change. This is your wish card - it will bring happiness, fulfilment and good health - you may also receive a gift or gifts!

your fears (Death)
You are afraid of experiencing turbulent and catastrophic change, as we all are, yet challenging such transformation in our lives helps create brand new opportunities. If you are experiencing or have just experienced losing a job, a bereavement, divorce or the end of a relationship, these changes will allow brand new opportunities into your life.

what is going for you (The Magician)
If considering any new enterprise or relationship you will find the self-belief, confidence and ingenuity to make it a success. Perhaps a promotion or pay increase at work, or a strong feeling that if you were to choose to work for yourself, you truly believe you can make it work. Go for it!

what is going against you (The Sun)
You may experience a few delays on your quest for success and achievement but don’t worry, you’ll get there in a blaze of glory. Success may go to your head a little so a little modesty wouldn’t go amiss. Other than a few minor delays, look forward to a period of joy and happiness. If you are experiencing problems with conceiving a baby, The Sun often heralds good news around children and a much wanted pregnancy or birth of a longed-for baby.

outcome (Wheel Of Fortune)
Expect life to change and quickly. Fate, destiny or synchronicity, call it what you like, positive change and good fortune is evident here. If you have important choices to make trust your intuition. Do you feel that events seem to be evolving without much input from you? If so trust it and go with the flow.

 > Link < 

Delectation, despondency, and other 4+ syllable words

Ooh, Manx in conflict.

Fake, but Likely Q. & A.:

Q. How was the trip?
A. It was awesome. As usual, I had a really good time with Diana.

Q. Really?
A. Yes.

Q. *elbow* Really?
A. It really isn't anyone's business. We're both single, and therefore is not of vital concern to anyone. But, because I'm such a nice guy, I'll say for the record, we didn't have sex.

Q. Ha, then you didn't really have a good time.
A. That's not a question, and you're wrong. Dude, she's not my girlfriend. Chill.

Q. Would you like her to be?
A. Do you know what any of those two words up there mean? That should give a clue. Hint: they are not straight antonyms, but they do color from the opposite sides of the spectrum.

I spent more time with her this weekend straight than I have with anyone else within the past 1 year 1 month and 4 days. In fact, the limit for a non-girlfriend is 36 hours. I hoped to avoid emo-kid, but I couldn't completely. The drive back I just felt really lonely and forelorn. Hearing her speak on the phone affectionately to her ex just made me wish I could win her affection.

But I can't. Can't force a girl, can't make a girl, can't even encourage a girl. She either does or she doesn't. While I wasn't planning on romance, I wasn't planning on that little subtext to be completely ejected from the formula. I wasn't expecting to have pointed out the illegitimacy of my secret desire. That it would "ruin" things. "Why would [you] [want to ruin this]?" It hurts to be told my affection could cause ruin, no matter how nicely or bluntly it's made. And, as a scientist, it's hard for me to understand how something is known to not work if no attempt is made to find out.

Girl Logic: if a girl says that "anything happening" would result in ruining a friendship means a few things. It means A) You exist in the Friend Zone. There is no escape. B) You are in the Friend Zone because you have failed to attract me with mind, body, and soul, and only did in some combination of mind and soul, or at different speeds from what I am comfortable with. C) I will interfere with the natural progression of things because I am embarassed of what people will think. There is also potential for D) I'm hurt and I don't want to look at you as a rebound boy. Which is ok, except that if A and D coexist, A takes supremacy.

(to be fair, she doesn't really know how clumsy and inexperienced I am (well, with unique individuals, I'm just a natural talent), even though I am 25. Su knows. Not via first hand experience, but she and I had pillow talk where I disclosed everything. Diana pillow talk didn't include that. At that point, it's be like me giving a commercial for myself. And I don't want to be that kind of guy.)

Q. Does that mean you won't want to hang out with her anymore?
A. Well, look, I won't wait for something impossible to happen. But, in the meantime, it's just nice being around her. The "Status Quo" between us has been established, and I feel liked more than average and even though I've hit the glass ceiling it's still better than otherwise.

I want something, alright. I want love and to be loved. I believe in triads so I wonder if there's something missing to those two desires. The missing link. Love is an attraction of the mind, body, and soul. Whereas what I want needs love, to be loved, and something else.

It isn't chicken pot pie. I'm only pretty sure of that.

One of the most heartbreaking things I visualize in my future is that if I think I can get this mystery triad, and I start to try and make it work with this Hypothetical Lady, I can't do this sort of thing with Diana anymore. Her boyfriend or whatever would trust her, and Hypothetical Lady would trust me, too, but my heart would be pulled and one thing I believe, nay, live by, is that if I love you, then I love you completely. The heartbreaking thing is that the potential future cold shoulder towards Diana because of her potential ability to tickle my affections might also ruin the flavor of the friendship later.

Bittersweet. I still had a wonderful time though. More details coming after I stop feeling lonely and whistful.

 > Link < 

So...

So....

>.>

<.<

What should I talk about now?

Current Question: What would you do for a Klondyke Bar?

Good question! I would, um, go to a store? I would brave the horrors of the freezer section. I would go through great personal pain and discomfort to wipe away the snowy frost building on the outside of the box. I would lift that box bigger than the fabled Wyvern of Yore, heavier than... uh... that same Wyvern of Yore... you know, not flying or anything but being dead weight and stuff. And then I would trek to the counter and trade several of my very rare, very green small papers which contain the secrets to the universe. Then the lady will stuff it in a plastic bag and I can lug it to my car. Hmm... rather anti-climatic, isn't it?

Next week I'll be shopping around for a gym. Can I dedicate myself? Yes. Will I? Well, that depends.

Depends on what? You ask?

Um... ask me again in a few weeks.

Before you Jump to Conclusions:

Ok, kids, BEFORE you jump to conclusions, know that I am a literalist.

Here's a trick I know. If you ask me a yes or no question, and I instead give a complete sentence as an answer that doesn't directly use any of the language from the aforementioned question, then that means I decline to answer your question and instead present a more accurate picture.

So, if you were to ask me: "Do you eat cheesecake or angel food cake?" I would answer "I try to stay away from sugar" and would, in that case, refuse to forsake one for the other.

It's important to me, then, if you ask if "we're going out" and I replace the answer to that question with "I really like hanging out with her and will continue to do so as long as she'll have me" then that's exactly what I mean.

I will, however, publicly admit that I would like to answer that question with a resounding yes. But it's not all up to me, you know.

Just gonna follow my gut and see what's what.