Longing

"You're something else."

She told me.

When I told her to turn her head.

So I could kiss her.

Without doing something stupid.


I long for someone. I crave her, but she doesn't return.

Girls shouldn't be allowed to say "you're a really nice guy." They shouldn't. That is just 100% synonymous with "I'm safe around you, I like you, just not enough to open my heart to you and see what can become of this."
I'm such a nice guy, huh?

I hate that I've been swept up. I hate that little subtle things that I discover about Diana are right out of my book of secret desires, almost verbatim. Almost as if she stole it and read it and tried to emulate her. From meaningless answers to meaningless questions, to gestures and expressions, to the addictive smell and touch. Shame on me, thinking I could ever have feelings returned. I know better. I'm old enough to know better, just too young to care.

The proper thing would be to part ways and speak not ever again. But I can't do that. I'm incapable of just abandoning someone because they don't want something I do. It is in this way that I lack the necessary self-preservation skills. I can't help how I feel about her, but I can help how I behave. And yet I refuse to. I'm a glutton for punishment.

You could say I'm broken hearted. Sure. You could say that. I'll just say

Business as usual.