Come on and get down with the sickness

Timeline: Monday evening I went home and collapsed into bed. My fever ran really really high.
Tuesday I'm unable to speak or swallow.

Now it's Wednesday.

Fun Things At The Doctor's Office:

1) There was a lizard sitting next to me. I shit you not. Evidently it scurried in and took a seat. We looked at each other, exchanged some hopefully meaningful discourse, but it didn't seem very talkative. It freaked out when I got up to do my paperwork, and didn't return.
2) I have these, um, marks.... on my body... *glare at someone who should know who she is* ("It wasn't me, bucko," Linda protests) and the doctor freaked out. Evidently bruises, as they heal, look a whole lot like a symptom of like liver failure or something. Hmm....
3) I got a shot of pennicillin. I felt like a World War 2 soldier. But, no, it wasn't an STD. Just strep throat. Honest. I always play safe, because... umm.... I don't remember why. But I just do. Oh, right. Because the weavils will come in the middle of the night and replace my vitamins with Tic Tacs, and my shaving cream with whipped cream, and will replace my toothpaste with hemerroid cream.

All hail the weavils.

Oh, and, uh... WHAT THE FUCK!?

 > Link <