Let me sing a song

I want you, my love, to stay
Please don't go away
Oh, what do I have to be
For you leave me today?
Tell me what secrets you hide
I feel deep inside
Remember how I'm beautiful nice
For real been, to view the supply?

You're my destiny
Don't make tragedy
You're a mystery
Please please stay with me!

You're my destiny
Don't make tragedy
You're a mystery
Please please stay with me!

You know I cry for you
Ohh ohhh
My love for you is true
Ohh ohhh Ohh ohhh
You know I cry for you
Ohh ohhh
Tell me what can I do
Ohh ohhh Ohh ohhh

You know I cry for you
Ohh ohhh
My love for you is true
Ohh ohhh Ohh ohhh
You know I cry for you
Ohh ohhh
Tell me what can I do
Ohh ohhh Ohh ohhh

What, you don't like my singing? Well, it's better when Shy Rose sings it.

Huh?

Oh come on! Italo disco RULES.

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News and Revenge

So, ever since my tongue was cut off by that band of roving pirates, here's what's new in my life.

The Linda

So, ok, of the people who read this, I only talk about Linda. Why? Umm.... cause.... ahhh... WE HAD SEX. No, not recently. Not again in the future either. Actually, no, that's not it. Actually it's because she's my friend BECAUSE of this blog. So, the rest of you can sigh a sigh of relief. Nobody's gonna know about Craig's predelictation towards women's stockings, Samantha's addiction to softcore porn, nor Daniella's quest to marry and become a citizen.

...

Yea, Craig and Daniella don't exist. Sam? Ah, if she is addicted to softcore porn, then good for her! (AFK she don't read, soo.....)

Anyway, Linda's been a source of stress I'll admit. Before her the last time I "knew a woman's touch" was like a year and 5 weeks. I am capable of handling long droughts, and 13.25 months isn't the longest. BUT the first three months after the last hurrah, as it were, is HORRIBLE. I'm still in it. It'll be 6 weeks Friday.

Climbing the walls.
Jittery.
Looking lustfully at everyone.
Absolutely jealous of anyone I see that make it even a little obvious they're gettin' some.
Eating horrible.
Having DAYDREAMS about having sex, including afterglow and pillow talk. Not the best stuff while you're driving on that deathtrap-waiting-to-happen also known as Krome Ave.

The current drama in my life is actually TURNING DOWN the only girl* in my life offering me some. Mental health. Why? Well, if I get upset to be nothing more than a penis, a mouth, a tongue, and two really good hands, then I won't be that. Actually, it's not so much that I mind being that, it's that I mind not being anything MORE.

I'm greedy, what can I say? But, think about it, if it represents your value as a person from within someone else's eyes, wouldn't you want to be more?

But it's really hard to resist. I want someone NOW to give me everything I want. Because pretty soon I'll run out of fingernails to chew on. And then I have to move on to the couch. And that's no fun. 'Coz it's dusty.

*Um, actually, there is another. I didn't mention her to you, Linda, but, Jenny's back and she's interested in "seeing me" again, now that the epic battle between me and her husband took place so now we can be "descreet". Yeesh.

The Diana

I also talk about her. She doesn't read, or, if she does, she's doing a good job of hiding that she does. That's kind of good, I think.

Truth is, I care about her. I havn't told anyone any of her secrets. Well, I don't tell anyone's secrets, really. But some of hers are really juicy. Once upon a time, before we went to Tampa, I was asked if I was taking her to get some, or if I was really trying to be a friend. I answered truthfully. Friend. And ever since then, things have gone up and down. She's really really special... I think her reputation, while deserved for what she's done, doesn't define her completely.

One thing I was asked is, if she wanted me, would I accept her as a girlfriend. To which I said I would have to put a lot of thought. Now that I've had like a week or so to think about that question, yeah, I probably would. Then again, if Linda wanted me (in the appropriate way), I would too.

I'd give anyone a chance. Girlfriend means she's getting a chance. Now, had you phrased your question a little differently, Red, maybe you would have gotten the answer you wanted.

Remember, I'm a literalist.

And lets see... work sucks. Working really long hours. Boss promised a "small raise." Small raise to a guy who pays $250/month to get internet on his laptop anywhere on the planet when HE WORKS FOR A TELECOMUNICATIONS COMPANY just sounds a lot larger than it actually was.

Ah, well. I'll plot my revenge.

(Oh, ladies, remember: write my name and number on every female bathroom stall you find. This will spare you from the exodus later in life.)

Mental Disorder

So, someone pointed me to a particular site. It had some information on it... then I went to Wiki and got a WHOLE LOT MORE.

Now when you ask, "Erik, what THE FUCK is wrong with you?!" I have an answer.

It's pretty close, if you ask me. Pretty damn close. Damn you, literacy!

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I like your pants around your pants

You know, this is a really interesting song. I don't like the bridge or the transitions, but, as a whole, it's pretty interesting.

I want to make a flash with it.

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O.O

I'm at work, under the gun. I did a quick something just because I'm curious.

And... uhh.... oh dear. Oh dear indeed.

----

how you feel about yourself now (Death)
Perhaps you feel that everything as you have known it is falling apart. Unexpected changes and turmoil, end of a job, end of a career, divorce or end of a relationship, recovering from a bereavement or fear of bereavement. Try not to worry too much, this time of absolute endings heralds a brand new beginning, a period of great transformation.

what you most want at this moment (The Devil)
The cards suggest Erik, that what you most want at this time you can’t have, like the forbidden fruit, which makes it all the more tempting. Or you could go for it but you know that it would be a bad choice and for all the wrong reasons. Yes, you want passion and gratification - just be careful where you go looking for it.

your fears (The Lovers)
Ones heart is ruling ones head! You are so afraid of being hurt you are paralysed into non-action. To have or not to have? To stay or to go? Throw caution to the wind, great happiness awaits you if you can trust what you feel and ignore the fear and do it anyway.

what is going for you (The Chariot)
Drive, drive, drive, that’s what’s going for you. You certainly aren’t a quitter that’s for sure. The appearance of The Chariot tells of conflicts ending in victory, so don’t give up, battle on and you will succeed. This is a time of movement and change. Expect a journey relating to work, and if you’ve had you’re eye on that car, it will soon be yours.

what is going against you (Justice)
Things just aren’t going your way, even if you are in the right or the victim of foul play you won’t win this one. Take care of whose advice you take and beware of being motivated solely by self-interest.

outcome (The Sun)
The Sun is shining on you - it's your time for success, joy and happiness. You will feel confident and full of vitality. It's a time to celebrate with friends and loved ones, perhaps enjoy a well-earned holiday, a time of pleasure and good news around children or the conception or birth of a longed-for baby. If you are not feeling this way take heart, you will enter this period soon.

Technology

Those in the know, know I've build myself a new machine. Actually, nobody's in the know except the one person who saw me build it.

So it's a fairly new system. I didn't go bleeding edge, I had a lot of parts to get and I wanted to keep a meager budget since I hadn't finished paying off my laptop yet. I really had to, too many BSOD happening on my machine... very related to cooling issues AND unstable motherboard.

I'm running a new AMD Athlon64, 3000+ (ah, running 1.8GHz). The Venice core: 90 nm, CPU integrated dual-channel northbridge. I'm not running Windows XP 64, yet, since it's missing a lot of things I happen to need right now (ODBC, MS-DOS support, etc), and the fact that a lot of applications with 32-bit installers won't run scares me a bit. I may dual-boot it later.

But anyway, just having an internal FSB makes this sucker smooth as butter, even though this is the lowest speed Venice. I've hit 100% CPU usage already, but only as a bug with some software I was installing. Well worth the $150 for a CPU (including the pretty dull HSF, but it does the trick as these no longer suck (although, could have been a lot better than 100% aluminum. It's ok, though, as Venice is supposed to run MUCH cooler than an equally rated Pentium 4)), but, to upgrade to this, I needed to get a motherboard to support the socket of 939 pins.

Sitting on top of an nForce3 chipset (Epox, again, since I always say try everything twice). I'm hooked up with 1GB of matched DDR ram from Corsair, bar none one of the best manufacturers. I went pure SATA on this thing, too. Got a new HD and that DVD-DL burner I'd been eyeing for a while. I figured it'd be better this way so I don't have to deal with that 137 GB limit thing. (actually, yes, I had to anyway, but that's just ignorance on my part on how SATA works).

And since the motherboard's got a bunch of headers on it for front ports and things, and frustration over my case and how noisy and clumbsy it is to work in lead me to get a new case. My old case was starting to stress me out. I knew a cable had disconnected itself on the inside and I didn't want to open it up and wade though all the crap to fix it. At least this new case has easily removed side panels and I can even rotate the computer from where it is without having to unplug anything from the back. Follow the link to check it out. It's got a clear plastic duct to tunnel air across the CPU. I havn't hit tempuratures even near 40 C... that's a good thing.

Grabbed a new power supply, too, interesting design with lots of air holes and one big fan. This whole machine is SO QUIET it's hard to tell it's on. After I threw in the rest of my hard drives so I can back up my old data and just have a badass 1TB of storage, the hard drives were actually LOUDER than the rest of the system. My oldest one from Blue was really irritating. I quickly dumped the contents of that one into a newer hard drive and got rid of it. The next annoying thing was a crappy 40mm fan on my removable hard drive enclosure. I had to slice those wires to turn it off. So far, right now, my keystrokes are louder than the system. I no longer have a sweet spot on my TV background noise. One notch lower and I can't hear it. One notch above that and it's too loud.

I was tempted by water cooling, but, I can live with this air cooling. I didn't get the optional CPU heatsink without a fan, but already it's pretty k-rad. The whole thing, including extention cables, set me back about $860. I estimate the cost of this system, minus all the "unnecessary" extra hard drives, plus the video card (an old GeForce 3) is a total of $1100, if all were purchased at new pricing. With that $250 for a vid card today I'd probably put it in a 6800 or something.

I could make a pretty snappy machine for about $500, I estimate. It wouldn't be a fucking pimp, but it would do well.

Now taking orders.

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So...

So... if it's done and all, why do I feel empty?

Damnit, you know what this means? Do you have any idea what this means? It means I'm a lost cause.

Last time I went to Flippers (been, what, a month now?) I spent a lot of time on a spot near the window. There are screw holes with stripped paint in the metal frame, and one can put their finger on the neon and then put another finger near that hole and feel arcs of electricity course through your body. It stings, it hurts, it sucks. After I've had enough I pull my hand away, call myself stupid for playing with it. I nurse the irritation, then look at it. I remember the feelings. It's not 100% pleasant, but it's 100% real. It's powerful.

So, if you ever wonder my motivations sometimes... there you have it. Positive or negative, at least it's not zero.

In other news, new computer is built and stable enough for me to start dumping on. I'm still trying to figure out what programs I had on the old machine I wanted to keep and reinstalling them. I've got lots of drive space, but some things aren't available anymore and I have to go archive diving to see if I can find them. Such as, I like Paint Shop Pro 6, but I can't install it from my archives because the 6.02 patch from Jasc no longer exists. Arg.

Oh, and, I was in a bad mood yesterday night and today until I saw what is in this link...

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