Sermon: Evidence

Proof. Everyone wants it, conditionally. Instead of taking a leap of faith, we refuse to put ourselves in a position to be proven wrong. It's not necessarily a bad thing, it's natural. Nobody wants to look the fool.

However, it's conditional. Nobody needs a whole lot of proof to believe false accusations. We seem to accept the premise if we don't believe it affects us. Accusing a man of rape, for instance, instantly brands him as such even if there is no evidence, even if there is aquittal. The media gleefully reports Mr. XYZ is a hideous monster and should be hung by his testicles on a flagpole and be stoned to death.

Not to say that rapists don't deserve it, because they do deserve the harshest of treatments. BUT, perhaps we should wait until we have all the evidence that proves beyond a reasonable doubt that he did it before we break out the torches and pitchforks?

But proof of God? Proof of spirit? Proof of the soul?

We all feel shame and guilt and regret. That's evidence of the soul, is it not? That we have done something wrong, or, even more generally, less than right? That's proof of the inner soul, is it not?

I mean, if you look at the universe, if our planet was only a few inches too far we'd freeze to death, a few inches too close and we'd burn to death. Life as we know it simply would not exist. If that's not evidence of a devine hand, then I don't know what is.

Not to say that anyone's got it right. In EverQuest, there are 12 gods to pledge faith to. In-Character, as far as they know, they are sculptors. Not quite. From what I remember of the story, there's legends of a dragon that created the gods, and some life. The gods were envious and made some life on their own as they saw fit. Like, the Dark Elves are children of Innoruuk or some shit like that. I don't remember exactly.

See, now, ICly, the characters have no way of knowing that their entire world was really sculpted by a bunch of cats at Verant Interactive, a subsideary of Sony Computer Entertainment America. They are the true gods. But there are no clues of this reality in the game. None.

Now that we have the suggestion of evidence of the existance of God, one has to wonder whether God wants to be known, or if he will just back off and watch His children go about things their own way.

One thing is certain: God will not force you to believe anything. There is trust in that, trust in our free will. Trust our souls.

Unfortunately, we don't have that kind of psychic ability to know what is right all the time. That's ok. We all make mistakes. But, the trick is learning from those mistakes.

Diana told me something this weekend. She looked into my eyes and told me a little something about myself. It's nothing I don't already know, but it's interesting to know that I broadcast that information. And, in a tangent from that, she pointed out some evidence of bad behavior on my part.

Linda, I'm really, really sorry. I was presented with evidence that I was leading you on. I did not intend to do so, but that doesn't excuse it. Just because the mentally ill can kill in insanity doesn't make it RIGHT.

I will be completely decisive and will avoid to suggest that you can still win my Manxistyle. The turn off was that you couldn't embrace me completely, as I wanted at that time. I'm done being a creature that girls can have out of curiosity: I'd rather be a creature that girls can have out of lust instead. Sure, you possess some of that, but it started as a mere curiosity and so I thereby denied it. I can't give you a good birthday next week, no matter how much I would like to. Right now, though, it's mostly because I'm "restless" and not because it's you. I don't want to be that guy who would use you that way. At this point, I can't cross my signals.

I know you understand, but I wanted to appologize, Red. In public: where it counts.

Evidence in plain sight for all to see.

B-A-N-A-N-A-P-H-O-N-E

Those in the know, currently nobody, knows:

I got a booty-call phone! It's the one that I am charging every female friend I have to etch its digits on the bathroom stalls, disguising handwriting as they go (because I don't need any rumors: just good references).

It's 305-97.... hmmm... maybe I'll hand it out OFFLINE.

The need for a new phone is because nobody's going to call Atlanta when they're here. The unusualness of the number in and of itself is enough, I think, to put people off. PLUS, looking for better work means I'll have to have a nice private 305 number to myself. Recruiters and headhunters will see 404 and go "404? Ah, I thought this guy was from Miami!" Not to mention the swarms of horny girlies who want what I've got and saw my number and then go, ah, nevermind.

Yeah.

Anywho, it's another prepay phone, though. I *could* have changed my existing phone's number, but I'm still in a 2 year contract. It'll be up in January, true, but I NEED IT NOW! *bites doorknob off*

Plus, this was DOG cheap. $30 + tax with Tracfone. I got a shitty Nokia 1100. It's a GSM phone, and Tracfone uses Cingular and/or T-Mobile. What happens depends on where you activate it. I activated it in an area with a stronger Cingular presence. So, it became a Cingular phone. Here's the kicker, though: T-Mobile network shares from Cingular, not the other way around, and one of the deals was that while T-Mobile can get radio towers outside of Cingular's zones, all Cingular customers get to have free switching and no roaming when the T-Mobile signal is the only one there. Not sure if all their customers get it, it may be for ESNs that were activated before a certain date.

The upshot is that I've got a hybrid Cingular/T-Mobile phone, that came with 20 free credits (1=1 minute in network, 2 minutes if I'm outside South Florida). Too bad I already used 5 to set up some crappy voice mail and spent .6 playing with text messaging from YIM.

Plus, when my Sprint contract is up, I'll consider getting a hyper-cool phone. Turns out the games I bought for my current phone I can't extract out into my computer. Trust me, I tried. But, as long as I'm a customer, and since I don't purchase licenses to games that expire, I can just download them into a new phone. Hopefully with better performance. I was staring at the MM-A880. Lushious.... I'm not really into phones, but maybe that's because I've never had an OMEGAPHONE. If I sign another 2 year contract I get $150, and if I turn in my old phone I get an additional $75.

I miss my old Virgin Mobile phone. That was my first. And you never forget your first. Hacking it to get free wireless internet was the bees knees, mac.

And, totally in line with phone talk:

You Are 30 Years Old

30 Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe. 13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world. 20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences. 30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more! 40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.

What Age Do You Act?

First Sermon

Ah, ok, so I gotta come up with sermons now, I guess. Reverend Manx... now you know the world really IS coming to an end.

So, when I went the strip club Saturday....

Look, I'm not a stuffy guy. I don't have to be. These are girls looking to make a living, these bartenders? The same. The club owner? Yeppers. And these guys? They are making it happen. You can't judge. Although, I would consider getting a lapdance cheating if you had someone.

"You sat where? And they touched what? With what?! And you let them?!?! No, you paid for it?!?!?!?!" *head explode*

Drunken Diana is always an entertaining gal. I'm a bit concerned with how much drinking she does every time she does drink with me, but she's in good hands, I guess. Too good, unfortunately for me. And, in a way, unfortunately for her.

But she got a pretty good sermon, I'd have to say. She was served a shot of 151 and while cuddling with me she confessed something. I asked if she loved her boyfriend, to which she replied in the affirmative. I pointed to the very strong shot and said, "let that represent love." Then I took a strawful of water and brought it closer to the drink and she swatted my hand and said "Don't fuck with my drink." And I said, "aha..."

See, it doesn't matter HOW pure the drink is. You're adding something to it that can only cause problems. Even if you didn't know someone watered down your drink, even if you couldn't taste it, it's still in there. You buy a drink, in this case a shot of 151, and you get 1 to 1.5 oz of booze, some 75.5% alcohol by volume. Add 0.1 oz of water to a 1 oz shot and you now have 65.5% alcohol, or 131 proof. Nothing happened to that original 1 oz, it's still there, but now you've diluted it. It's less concentrated.

You invest yourself when you love. You invest in another to love you back. That's the implied agreement. And you may do things when you think the contract is being violated. And they may seem like a good idea at the time as an alternative to dealing with the issue like an adult. That's the wrong thing, though, and it weakens the concentration of it. Yes, even if nary a soul ever found out.

Sometimes you need to take control of your life and be brave to tell the forces that lead you astray "Hey! Don't fuck with my drink!"

What can I say? I'm awesome and I know it.

*catches random panties thrown at him*

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Oooooooooooh

Wow, I'm totally setting this to my computer's boot logo. Y

Oh, um... I... became an ordained minister today. Yes, for real. No, I don't have to pledge celibacy. No, I don't get any tax benefits unless I start making a business of rituals and stuff. I can legally marry people now. And, furthermore, I think I've got a good moral head on my shoulders and am always up for discussion on right and wrong.

Right now, though, that picture up there? That's very right. Make sure you see the full version, too, and read that text. Ooh, baby.

Google This

So, evidently, Google ads seems to pick up stuff on sex and relationships. How is it that I come off as someone writing for those who need help in either area is beyond me.



But I am a firm believer in technology. So, if you really want Manx brand relationship and sex advice, j00 got it.

Relationships:
1. Be honest. Bit rule. Not just to others, but to yourself. Speak openly about this honesty. It’s important that both people want similar things in order for compatibility to happen. If she’s looking for basically social validation (ie. Not being alone) and a go-to guy for sex, and he wants to sit in a tree kissing awaiting the love, marriage, and the wife with the baby carriage, it’s not going to work out. It hurts, and you’ll cut some things shorter than they would transgress organicly, but sometimes that’s ok. At least you’re not fooling yourself, and if you REALLY want an open relationship where you want to sleep around then you’ll be much more likely to find someone who is fine with it than springing it on someone who, more likely than not, will not be ok. Plus it’s less of a bother to be honest than to come up with lies and maintain deceit. More energy spent being a good boyfriend/girlfriend/cowboy/tentacled alien.

2. Don’t take for granted. Ever. You’re lucky to have them, you lucky take-people-for-granted jerk. Remember: everyone is free to leave whenever they like.

3. Keep one eye open. Don’t fucking cheat or be a bastard, but keep open to the possibility that you aren’t with your perfect person. If you understand that, you won’t be embarrassed to consult #1 and say, “look, honey, I would rather be with X-Y-Z.” Remember, THEY deserve someone who will love them with all their heart, they don’t need your doubtful ass if you got doubts.

4. Don’t guilt. Guilt-trips, crying, and blatant manipulation violate #1. You bitch.

5. Remember: If it is meant to be, it will be, despite your best efforts.

Sex:
1. Try to keep up. Frustration will lead to a violation of (above) #1, #2, and may cause #3 to be invoked, and may make #4 happen.

2. Try anything twice. Once to try it, and twice in case the first time was a fluke.

3. Sex MAY make them like you better, but if it does swing the tide of a relationship, make sure you are following rule #1 to a T. Also, if you buy the cow without sampling the milk, then you deserve what you get.

4. Never use sex as a weapon to manipulate or influence. Ever. But feel free to play around with those ideas because sometimes, thinking about it, is hot. (Recall Relationship Rule #1, though)

5. Remember: Nice guys finish last. *elbow*

Wisdom, and still being foolish

YES I finally did it! The American Dream! I've... sold out.

Put google ads on the side. I'm actually curious as to what kind of advertisement gets picked out as "targeted" for this g-thang here. Whoops, there's the gangster target.

My Lensmoor character has come across a young lady and has fallen quite hard for her. Huh huh, he said "Hard". Got the Beavis and Butthead fanboy market.

Anywho, Diana's character (I'll spare you the link cause I don't know if she wants to keep it a secret or not) had a chat with Jasmain. Next thing I know over chat I get a message from her, ooc, "Oh dear" and "She's chaste."

My In-Character guy is completely separate from the Out-Of-Character me, so I have no way to communicate this to him, and Di's character is very hard to run into and speak with because she's invisible so often. But ultimately Jasmain brought it up to Manixus. Nothing before marriage. Of course there was a little fun, though, for his 21st birthday.

Gawd, even though it's IC, I miss naughty chat and naughty phone calls a hell of a lot. It was pretty cool, although I don't think dry humping would be very effective with bulky armor. Teenagers confused about sexuality market? Check. Homemade armor aficionados? Check.

But, sometimes I wonder if I have a latent multiple personality disorder, which gives life to my writing. Because Manixus seems to have taken a life on his own. He's struggling with the morality of marrying someone just for sex. I really don't know what he's gonna come up with. Pass the popcorn.

(quoted from the blog:)
However, it seems that one can add more to that. Jasmain has chosen to "save herself" for this construct. This, no doubt about it as of right now, means to continue where our urges leave off. The analogy always seems to return to the cow. There is a belief that a man would not buy the cow if its milk were free. The main differences are that no sensible man would buy a cow whose milk he did not get to sample, and one speaks as if the cow did not wish to be milked.

Heh heh, farmer market? Check. Militant cows plotting revenge on the humans? Check.

And here I sit. I can't say I wish I had that dilema to think about. Although I would be kind of nice at least some of the premise.

Drama with my video card is STILL going on. I can't practice my Quake 3 for a HUGE GIGANTIC LAN PARTY... er... 3 people. Which is probably good because I'd have an unfair advantage for being UBER MAN! Heh, not really. The 3d hardware on my laptop is fairly competant, but not that great. And I'll need to "aquire" a mouse and separate keyboard to play because of the way the keys tend to stick and how HILARIOUS control with a touchpad is. At least it's got Bid For Power on it, too.

Quakecon? Check. Drooling DBZ fanboys? Check.

In other news, Diana's got a blog herself. She gave me her link. Particularly interesting and informative is reading what was going on while we were getting close, and before that happened. She's a bit of what I call a "fleck" writer, in which small flecks of data pull themselves together to produce something that doesn't really flow with consciousness like these things are supposed to be. But, hey, kids, eh?

I didn't want to remind her of my blog. No no no. Bad idea. But, know what? Like I said. I can only offer truth. And sometimes truth hurts.

Speaking of bad ideas, we're gonna move in together. Well, she's got a steady job now. And, hell, it's about time I did anyway. I have a feeling us living together would help keep my life interesting. And for all the crap people think and say about her, some much of it being her fault, I'll have a chance to show, by example, how a decent person behaves.

She's going to benefit much from this, and I'll feel good about that.

Linda was in a car accident. Samantha had to call me to inform me. I went to her hospital bed, and she was doing ok, just breathing kinda shallow. I could have sworn I saw a tear, but she turned her head so that if she DID have a tear, I wouldn't be able to see it anyway. They released her this evening and she called me. She made me laugh: "now the hospital people think you're my boyfriend."

Poor thing, though. Car = totalled. It was a pretty safe Dodge Neon, but, man, those drivers in North Miami Beach are NUTS.

Squirrels? Check.

Oh, and, follow this link and watch "THE EMAIL!! CARTOON".

*shun*

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<- Fool

AFO? Disappointed. 45 bucks, + a stay at the hotel of the con, and it was all kinda lame. One viewing room, one room for workshops, one for panels, one for gaming... crowded. Crummy rave, and nothing was 24 hours. I don't think I'll go to the next one.

Although, socially, it was a lot of fun. Hugged lots of fangirls with "GLOMP ME" signs, instead of staying away like I usually do, because of me thinking it's a trick. (Pro tip: it's almost always not a trick. Almost.) People recognized Lucy. One girlie stopped me in the hallway in approval of Lucy and Wendy Comic and mutual love and admiration for Joshua Lesnik. I told her I would have blessed her if I were a minister, and, upon running out of things to say, I said that "this is the time we hug."

I think she liked me. And while I'm pretty good at reading vibes, I'm so not used to reading that vibe that I didn't know what to say or do. Lots of different options rolled in my head all at once, and it kinda froze up. I didn't get her name. I didn't ask if she was there alone. I didn't ask if she wanted company. It was only like 5 minutes after walking away that I smacked myself in the head and, alas, she was gone.

Although, to be fair, I probably just imagined it and hugged a plant or something, who knows?

On the way back Su called home to let him know she was on her way. And there was something I noticed similar to Diana. She addressed her ex as "honey" several times, "baby" once, and said "I miss you." Stopping short of saying "I love you", which Diana does. Often, to her ex's.

At first I figured it was just Diana trying to exert some influence over her past people to make sure they don't stray too far away from her reach. But now I hear someone else. And now I call into question....

Ok, so Lisa didn't want to be my girlfriend. Fine fine fine. Jenny? Well, surrogate doesn't count. Linda... ah, I don't have to remind anyone. All that leaves is Melissa as my only truly legitimate relationship. And we just don't address each other like that. It's simply not done. And I don't necessarily think that means we didn't care for each other, just that we gave it a shot, it was not quite what we needed out of it. We still talk occasionally, but she's never told me she misses me, never called me honey or baby or any other pet name she had for me (Octopus, if you must know, and now you probably wish you didn't have to know).

Then again, I wonder if that means she just didn't really care. I know she felt I was holding her back... and I did the honorable thing and broke up with her. I wonder if she resents me for getting to the point instead of playing with her and milking everything I could out of it.

I feel quite lonely thinking about it. I guess I CAN say that I don't NEED the validation of another to give my life meaning, but I figure it feels good. I feel like I've missed out on something key in my life, something that all others, those less deserving for sure, those less honest, less honorable, less decent, have.

And, sometimes... sometimes... Ooh, Navy Seals is on. Bye.

Hey man... I missed you... need another free sample?

My old crack dealer passed this little note to me:

Hot Days of Summer
The pavement is melting, the grass is brittle, and every living thing with an ounce of sense is lying low where it’s cool. But this summer you can still enjoy the great outdoors without suffering the blistering heat and slathering on SPF 5000—get into the great indoors with EverQuest®!
We’ve reactivated your closed EverQuest account so you can play EverQuest again for FREE for up to 21 days! Just log in to reactivate your account and get back into the adventure while keeping cool. Your characters and equipment are here, just as you left them.

Can I resist? Now that I'm playing Lensmoor? I never did get to level 50, then they pushed the cap to 60. Then 70. Then 75. I wonder what the new cap is?

The dark necromancer Eron has rested for far too long.

So, I just have to take a 21 day vacation from work, right? And a 21 day vacation from shaving, showering, eating, sleeping, speaking. Things like that.

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Perpetual Bliss

The more I play with Blogger, the more I like it.

I've been playing this Lensmoor thing with Diana and it's been fun. Her character hooked my character up big time with lots of twinkish gear and buffs for the asking, even some extremely valuable things.

Also, her character introduced my character to another character in a matchmaking kind of kick-in-the-ass. Heh, if only it were that easy in real life. At least in this game, I'm slim with long white hair and long magical fingers. Heh heh... Quothe the Su: "Everyone likes a bishonen boy!"

No kidding.

Anyway, back to Blogger. I just set up a blog that looks pretty good. It fits perfectly with the style, especially since it's flexible enough to let me modify the template to serve my needs: hence publishing on my web space, replacing things with my things, using fonts dictated. I spent a lot of work making things look just right. If you wish, check it out.

Yes, it's entirely intentional that there's no way back here from there. What? I have something to hide? Noooooo....

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