<- Fool

AFO? Disappointed. 45 bucks, + a stay at the hotel of the con, and it was all kinda lame. One viewing room, one room for workshops, one for panels, one for gaming... crowded. Crummy rave, and nothing was 24 hours. I don't think I'll go to the next one.

Although, socially, it was a lot of fun. Hugged lots of fangirls with "GLOMP ME" signs, instead of staying away like I usually do, because of me thinking it's a trick. (Pro tip: it's almost always not a trick. Almost.) People recognized Lucy. One girlie stopped me in the hallway in approval of Lucy and Wendy Comic and mutual love and admiration for Joshua Lesnik. I told her I would have blessed her if I were a minister, and, upon running out of things to say, I said that "this is the time we hug."

I think she liked me. And while I'm pretty good at reading vibes, I'm so not used to reading that vibe that I didn't know what to say or do. Lots of different options rolled in my head all at once, and it kinda froze up. I didn't get her name. I didn't ask if she was there alone. I didn't ask if she wanted company. It was only like 5 minutes after walking away that I smacked myself in the head and, alas, she was gone.

Although, to be fair, I probably just imagined it and hugged a plant or something, who knows?

On the way back Su called home to let him know she was on her way. And there was something I noticed similar to Diana. She addressed her ex as "honey" several times, "baby" once, and said "I miss you." Stopping short of saying "I love you", which Diana does. Often, to her ex's.

At first I figured it was just Diana trying to exert some influence over her past people to make sure they don't stray too far away from her reach. But now I hear someone else. And now I call into question....

Ok, so Lisa didn't want to be my girlfriend. Fine fine fine. Jenny? Well, surrogate doesn't count. Linda... ah, I don't have to remind anyone. All that leaves is Melissa as my only truly legitimate relationship. And we just don't address each other like that. It's simply not done. And I don't necessarily think that means we didn't care for each other, just that we gave it a shot, it was not quite what we needed out of it. We still talk occasionally, but she's never told me she misses me, never called me honey or baby or any other pet name she had for me (Octopus, if you must know, and now you probably wish you didn't have to know).

Then again, I wonder if that means she just didn't really care. I know she felt I was holding her back... and I did the honorable thing and broke up with her. I wonder if she resents me for getting to the point instead of playing with her and milking everything I could out of it.

I feel quite lonely thinking about it. I guess I CAN say that I don't NEED the validation of another to give my life meaning, but I figure it feels good. I feel like I've missed out on something key in my life, something that all others, those less deserving for sure, those less honest, less honorable, less decent, have.

And, sometimes... sometimes... Ooh, Navy Seals is on. Bye.