Hiding

Yeah, yeah, I'm hiding something.

I'm on a bit of a quest, you see. A holy crusade, if you will (but I won't).

Now that Linda won't talk to me anymore because I've evidently outlived my usefulness, I'll make my bold generalization. My sex life consists of female scientists, and myself being a culture sample.

You know, the culture sample that sits in a petri dish. Doing whatever it is that culture samples do. Hover around this corner of the gelatin, enjoy the warm glow of the sun lamp, spawning a bunch of offspring. SURE the culture wants to break out of the dish, make things happen, mix things up and junk. But, soon enough, it realizes that it's just a culture sample and it just can't do it alone.

And here comes Ms. Scientist. "Hmmm," she thinks, "this is a fairly interesting culture. Havn't seen anything like it before. I enjoy it, it's entertaining, in its gelatin hovering, sunning itself, trying to change its own dynamic." (At this point, for some reason, I've got a mental image of that female scientist from Rampage World Tour, but that's beside the point.) "But, lets see... I'm curious to see what'll happen if I..."

And then Ms. Scientist puts a straw in the petri dish. All of a sudden, the culture sees freedom! It climbs the pipette, noticing an escape! An opportunity! It can't NOT do it!

Then I infect her. She discovers a new use for this culture. She'll even become selfish and want to keep the culture for herself... but it's ok... the culture has the time of its life. Or at least it's ok for a little while.

The problem? The culture has nothing to do with its new functionality. It just gets swept up with the fancy of the scientists and if it demands to be seen, heard, made legitimate, it removes itself from the infection. It crawls back to the petri dish... because it may not be exciting, but, damnit, in there, the culture's in the driver's seat.

I WILL gain control. I'm tired of relying on luck. It goes against everything I believe in. Hard work brings great things... most of the time. My week having the place to myself is coming to a close soon. I feel so defeated.

...

HOORAY CONFUSING ANALOGIES!

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