More Silence

You'd think with a friggin' hurricane I'd have more to talk about. But I don't.

I'm just bored. In general. Not motivated at all for anything, really. I want some personal excitement. Not weather-event excitement.

I'd kick a can down a flight of steps but then I'd have to find a can.

Don't know if fire can make this one better.

But I don't want to be trendy

And there is my engraving. Joy and Pain. Times eight.

Now the accessorizing begins. Yeesh. I decided to get the dock so I could just slam it down into this little recepticle like a glass mug... but it's far too delicate for that.

Freaked out by these facts, now comes the stuff to make the most of it. On the list:

Car docking station / Charger / FM transmitter (got it in one day from ebay, cool yo)
Dockable Nerdy Retard-helmet-esque case I hope to never remove it from that case.

And that's IT. I promise. This won't turn into another GBA SP.

Coaster

There are rough times in everyone's life. You have to sit through them, watch carefully, jump out of the way of danger when the time is right, and hope for the best.

I know a bunch of people with hard times right now and coming up. To them I say "stay strong." Some don't even know it's coming, but I have forseen it.

One of those persons is me.

Every day I walk by my computer with a web browser window open and think to myself whether I should talk about this current thing going on. It's not so much that it's private, it's that it's... well... it may encourage people to treat me differently, slightly more sympathetic, and I don't want that. I don't want pity. I can pity myself enough. I have the guise of being strong and confident, but, truth is, I've got concerns that will resolve in the next six months. But 25 weeks is a long time to wait.

Then again, it isn't much time at all. When it's all over, it'll be forgotten. I'll appologize in advance, I guess, that I'm not saying what it is. When it's over, you'll know why.

And it isn't because of Metal Gear. I promise.

SHAKE it UP

I need some excitement.

Every day has been way too ordinary. It's pissing me off.

I don't like stagnance. Even if something bad were to happen, at least something would happen.

So, I'll just comment on stuff.

So now that Apple has announced their video iPod, some people who got the nano (or are still waiting for it like me) are upset. Naw, don't be upset, kittens. Video compression that it supports H.264 or H.246 or some shit like that, and MPEG-4, is not trivial. It takes lots of power. They say the 30 GB iPod can play video for 2 hours. When fully charged. Hmmm... meh. 15 hours of music? Hey, cool. But, 2 hours of video? I'm less impressed. Ok, ok, so the 60 GB iPod can play three hours. Fine. But it's also bigger than the 30 GB version. The ipod itself got a little depth shrink, which is cool I guess, except the two versions sounds like there was infighting.

Plus, I don't think it's very valuable. It's a 2.5" screen, right, and it's supposed to be gorgeous, sure, but I got 3 hours out of my laptop playing movies on its 15" monitor on the airplane to LA a year ago. And it was playing a movie at much higher than 320x240, the only resolution that new iPod shows.

As far as Digital Rights, music videos are $1.99, and you can't extract the audio out of them and add them to your music playlist. Boooo..... and... who's gonna pay $1.99 for music videos when you can watch them for free? (If you can get ahold of it, check out the extended videofor Benny Benassi - Satisfaction... it's totally filthy)

Which brings up a point... the real benefit of this is video distriuted via iTunes. Yeah, they're not the first with VOD. But they are, AFAIK, the first Video-On-Demand that will deliver network TV shows. I'm concerned, though, that the true potential of this video distibution medium will be hampered by Disney's family-friendly partnership with Apple's hippie-drugged-out zombies. Can you say porn? No? Oh, well, keep at it.

...

BORING. I bet you wish something exciting will happen in my life so I don't talk about bullshit.

...

Sinner.

Poker. Poker well. Poker often. She deserves it.

I taught my parents how to play poker last night.

I usually snub my nose at family togetherness only because it's nothing more than just an effort in guilt-tripping and "don't forget: you only THINK you know everything" and "yeah yeah, but you still keep your room a mess."

But, throw a little Courvoisier into the mix and, yeah, we can get along.

I can't BELIEVE I drank with my folks and brother. I told them about my super-secret plans... super secret vacation plans... so secret I can't tell ANYONE.

Anyone.

Anyway, somehow, I had a lot of fun! Teaching what hand beats what, teaching the finer points of bluffing... who knew?

In. Other. News.

Baaaah. That's it. I'm boring.

IT'S A LASER!

This call has been recreated from yesterday evening. The names have been changed to add a bit of comedy.

Mr. Interrupt Me At Dinner: (Indian Accent) "May I speak with Mr. Erik [LAST_NAME_HERE]?"

Mr. Food In Mouth: "Speaking."

Will Also Offer Me A Slurpee: "I'm calling from [CREDIT_CARD_COMPANY_HERE] regarding your point purchase?"

Can I Have A Slurpee: "Oh yeah?"

And Some Slim Jims: "Yes sir. There has been a fulfillment problem with your request for the iPod nano 4G black."

Not In A Slim Jim Mood: "What seems to be the problem?"

Buy That Comic Book Or Get Out: "Well, the distributor we use for Apple products will not recieve any stock of this item, and it's likely we will not be able to honor our policy of 'delivery in 4 - 6 weeks.'"

I Know My Rights: "Aw, that's a shame. I already lost my membership points, though."

Do I Sound Like I Give A Fuck: "Yes sir. What we can do, however, is credit your account with the amount it would take to purchase one from the Apple store."

I CALL BULLSHIT: "Really?"

I Have A Gun To My Head And If You're Not Happy At The End Of This Call I Will Be Executed: "Yes sir. Simply create an order and send us a fax of the confirmation email and we'll be glad to credit your account with the total."

Is It Christmas Yet?: "Can I buy something else with it?"

I Hate My Life, But I Hate You More: "No sir., your account will be credited only with the product itself plus its related shipping and taxes. Any additional items will not be credited."

I Think I'm Gonna Get You To Pay My Sales Tax: "Obviously. So I can add other items at my expense?"

In My Country, Sales Tax Pays YOU: "Yes sir."

Scamming The Man: "Well, great! Can I get the confirmation number of this call?"

...

So I added it to my cart. "Free laser engraving?" Why, sure... it's an add-on at my financial expense. Cost to me? $0. I mean, it's free. I HAVE to get it. But, what would I want engraved on it?

I toyed around with these around for a while:


But ultimately I settled on something. I don't remember exactly what I put... so I'll be sure to tell you when I get it and just before I put it in my pocket for the first time scratching it beyond all recognition.

Call it suspense.

Rage. Simple, beautiful, RAGE

"You're just angry because I love someone who also loves me while nobody loves you."

Wow. I can't believe I used to call Jenny a friend. I'm just calling it like I see it. She's become the biggest fucking slut in the world, yo.

Sin 1: Adultery. We all know that one. These days it's worse. She got mixed up in some guy who's really done a number on her. She's doing drugs, doing porn, having three ways outside porn, swinging, you know, being the local cum dumpster. Which is fine, I guess, except she's married. She's got a job, but it's all under the table because as long as she doesn't have a job, her separated husband still has to provide for her. Sin 2: No-fancy-name-but-pretending-you-have-no-income-to-get-a-handout-is-wrong. Sin 3: Being a total bitch. Nah, I just threw that one in there.

So I have the balls to call it like it is. And I get a response like that from above. Fuck her: everyone else has.

But... geez... she really does aim for the jugular... and she's a good shot. Sure, I'm loved, I guess. Friends say they love me. Family is REQUIRED to love me or else. But, the implication there is nobody LOVE loves me. And, yeah, she's right. They say the truth hurts. Well it's a good thing I don't know who "they" is because I'd owe them a Coke.

And I don't mean to make light of anyone who thinks highly of me. It's very valuable and important to me. BUT... there is no denying that in each of those persons' lives, there is someone who they love MORE. Two people, me and someone else, hanging off the edge of a cliff, both about to fall... they can't save me over them. They CAN'T. I wouldn't expect them to. In fact, in that situation, knowing I'm going to fall anyway, I'd probably just let go to retain at least a little pride.

I've got a theory, something stemming from "we hurt those we love."

Linda? Remember her? I learned something from Sam (thanks for reading, kid). Turns out she was cheating on her boyfriend at the time with me. THAT's why she didn't want to be seen in public with me. THAT's why she didn't want to meet my friends. And THAT's why she always spoke badly about my friends and who I spend time with because they were cutting into her adultery time. That's why she also didn't want to BE with me, as in a couple. And, to think, I didn't once think of asking if she had a boyfriend.

Maybe, subconsciously, I was afraid she'd say that she did.

One could say that Sam did something wrong. I might have never found out. But, the damage was done regardless, wasn't it? The fact that I know changes little about what SHE did. If she loved him, though, why'd she do it?

I am angry, I guess. I'm angry my talents are going to waste. I'm angry that I'm not on the top of anyone's list. Nobody thinks about me and sighs about how I'm the bee's knees.

But it's interesting, though. I feel like I'm not in the mood for a girlfriend. Somehow, over the past few weeks, I'm back to sow-my-oats mode. Well, it makes sense, I guess. I never did sow my oats. I was too busy needing to be nursed about Lisa. And anytime I try to shift gears into "Player Mode" I get schooled that a guy like me just will ALWAYS be passed over. I simply cannot compete in a world where looks and "game" rules. That's like someone who doesn't know jack shit about computers try to program. They'll just sit there at a screen, cursor blinking away, going, "what the HELL do I have to do?"

Will I ever be able to compete? I don't know. I tried a few times very unsuccessfully... I blame it on just not being able to play the "game". I'd like to, though, to know how the other half lives. And to get some bloody control over my sex life, you know, turn the wheel and point it where I want it.

I don't have to hit the target every time. I just want the damn car to turn when I flail the wheel like some kind of pirate doing a 180 on the seven seas (matey).

There is one kind of game I know.

Cloud: I know... no one lives in the slums because they want to. It's like this train. It can't run anywhere except where its rails take it.

Tonight, I'm sad. And when you can't sleep, that's torture.