IT'S A LASER!

This call has been recreated from yesterday evening. The names have been changed to add a bit of comedy.

Mr. Interrupt Me At Dinner: (Indian Accent) "May I speak with Mr. Erik [LAST_NAME_HERE]?"

Mr. Food In Mouth: "Speaking."

Will Also Offer Me A Slurpee: "I'm calling from [CREDIT_CARD_COMPANY_HERE] regarding your point purchase?"

Can I Have A Slurpee: "Oh yeah?"

And Some Slim Jims: "Yes sir. There has been a fulfillment problem with your request for the iPod nano 4G black."

Not In A Slim Jim Mood: "What seems to be the problem?"

Buy That Comic Book Or Get Out: "Well, the distributor we use for Apple products will not recieve any stock of this item, and it's likely we will not be able to honor our policy of 'delivery in 4 - 6 weeks.'"

I Know My Rights: "Aw, that's a shame. I already lost my membership points, though."

Do I Sound Like I Give A Fuck: "Yes sir. What we can do, however, is credit your account with the amount it would take to purchase one from the Apple store."

I CALL BULLSHIT: "Really?"

I Have A Gun To My Head And If You're Not Happy At The End Of This Call I Will Be Executed: "Yes sir. Simply create an order and send us a fax of the confirmation email and we'll be glad to credit your account with the total."

Is It Christmas Yet?: "Can I buy something else with it?"

I Hate My Life, But I Hate You More: "No sir., your account will be credited only with the product itself plus its related shipping and taxes. Any additional items will not be credited."

I Think I'm Gonna Get You To Pay My Sales Tax: "Obviously. So I can add other items at my expense?"

In My Country, Sales Tax Pays YOU: "Yes sir."

Scamming The Man: "Well, great! Can I get the confirmation number of this call?"

...

So I added it to my cart. "Free laser engraving?" Why, sure... it's an add-on at my financial expense. Cost to me? $0. I mean, it's free. I HAVE to get it. But, what would I want engraved on it?

I toyed around with these around for a while:


But ultimately I settled on something. I don't remember exactly what I put... so I'll be sure to tell you when I get it and just before I put it in my pocket for the first time scratching it beyond all recognition.

Call it suspense.