Like, WTF

Ok, here's WTF is going on.

I'm a dead man. The mob. I'm not a made man after all.

No, that's not it. Eh, I've been trying to figure out a clever, funny, insanely panty-dropping way to say this. I came up with "my penis will explode if I don't get some sex soon, so help save my life!" But that's not really clever. Then I came up with "I'm going to become vaporized because I use too much Vicks Vap-O-Rub... which is clever but really unfunny. I thought I might streak through town, but that would just scare children.

Ok. My heart's not good. Well, technically, it's not any worse off than anyone else's. It's the blood it pumps. Something about the blood makes my heart work harder than it has to. I havn't been poisoned, it isn't a chemical, it isn't drugs. Well, technically it is a chemical, but it's natural. The only reason why it's measured is in tandem with other things they look for in bloodwork. By itself it doesn't really mean anything.

But over time, slowly it seems, it's getting more concentrated. Maybe I make too much, maybe I can't get rid of the excess too fast. Who knows. Who cares? It's like learning a deep dark problem can happen with your car based on whether you use the blue washer fluid or the green washer fluid (although, my original car fluid was pink. That was kinda cool).

I've known about it for like a year, but I didn't think anything of it. And, up until like a month ago my current doctor agreed. It's normal for some values to be high or low. Everyone's got their own range. Some people are at 98.6 degrees, some are a little less, some a little more. And since I didn't really have anything really wrong with me, it didn't matter.

Well, now my blood pressure is "tremendously" high. Evidently it "evolved" that way just to push the blood through. Now, whether this is a big deal depends on 9 out of 10 doctors agree. Some (like myself) tend to believe that it's natural. My body makes a natural pea soup, so it naturally has higher pressure. My capilaries can take it... otherwise it would have been an artificial high pressure. Then again, if you've got a medical license (lollerskatez) that means I'm going to have a major killing stroke in 5 months.

So, yeah.

I don't know if I can trust this dude, though. Might be a scare. But, he could be telling it like it is. My last doctor told me I should expect to have a year left to live, and he told me that a year ago. I changed doctors because he was so dramatic about everything and I had him figured for a quack.

But it's not for sure. He says I CAN fix it. I gotta get it down on my own, and then when I'm in better shape, some medications can push it down even further... the risk taking meds now is the dosages would be pretty high because it's based on body weight (and the side effects scale faster than the benefit) and that, if it is natural, that my body would just make more of that stuff to put in my bloodstream to counter it.

So there. I hadn't want to tell anyone for fear I'd be treated differently. But then I got a free cookie at the doctors office so I figured being treated differently might not be so bad. Except I didn't get a cookie, instead I got an infection!

Ha, see, that's clever and funny. Still not panty-dropping, though.

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