The STATS

So now that I'm gonna live, I'm looking towards the future. And, somehow, I don't know how, but one of the things that presented itself as something I can't continue to live a future without is an AirPort Express. Yes, welcome to 2004. How come I never heard of this? I would have easily gotten this before my ipod.

If you don't feel like clicking the link (and I don't blame you, sometimes I wish I could click with the power of my mind alone), I'll explain it to you. It's like a really convenient tiny computer. You plug it into the wall for power and it becomes wireless enabled. It comes out of the box making its own wireless hotspot, which is pretty cool, although it breaks the tradition of all wireless hotspots shipping from the factory hotspot OFF so you have to plug it in and it'll just work. I don't like setting up wireless systems without wires first. It feels like putting the cart before the horse, or like masturbating before sex, or appetizers. Er, the whole concept of appetizers, not, um, maturbating before sex or appetizers. Not that there's anything wrong with that, just not in mixed company.

*cough*

Anyway, this box can be wired into your broadband modem and start broadcasting a hotspot based on it. I don't know if you can plug it directly into the fibre... I'm guessing no but I didn't feel like ripping apart my home network to find out. But, so what? Instant hotspots aren't too rare to find. And it's only got ONE wired connection so if you want a desktop to connect to it the machine needs a wireless card. I'm sorry, but standalone machines and wireless cards simply don't belong. It's the principle of the thing. Laptops I understand: they're supposed to be portable. But desktops? It doesn't move: you don't have any excuse to NOT wire it in. Especially with Gigabit around.

Um, for the record, I don't have my home network built off Gigabit. I'm using all Cat-5e cabling, which should work. But real gigabit doesn't exist on PCs within a good price reach. Either the gigabit NIC sticks itself in a PCI slot (which lacks the bandwidth to actually do anything on the order of gigabit speeds), or the gigabit is built into the motherboard using a crossbar to the CPU, which can go full speed but at the cost of CPU cycles. I thought we SETTLED this SOFT-MODEM bullshit 10 years ago.

I don't think it's likely to get any better. Nobody's going to put dedicated autonomous HARDWARE gigabit on a motherboard. And server gigabit cards that use PCI-X or something like that just aren't going to be in the reach of consumers, and even then they'd probably rather put video cards in there. I've always been in favor of a DEDICATED video card slot. SLI is a ripoff, too. The money you spend on two identical cards can be pooled to buy one better card that can run circles around both of them. It only works out if you have two of the highest end $650 video cards at a lovely $1300.

Where was I? Oh yeah. Kittens.

The neat thing it also does is serve print jobs. I can plug my USB printer into it, stick the printer somewhere nice and wirelessly print to it. Instant network printer. I like network printers but they always cost a whole lot more than standard printers. But, realisticly, you only need a print server if you share a printer among lots of people. I'm going to be alone in the future. So much for that feature.

No, friends, this is what makes it. Plug your stereo system into it, either 1/8" stereo plug or mini-toslink optical. Well, technically, all you really need is an amplifier and speakers. And you can open up iTunes on any computer that can reach the AirPort and pipe audio to it. Can you say, JAWESOME?!

I think it would totally rock. Have a dedicated music server in a closet somewhere piping mood music to my hip (panty-peeling) batchelor pad.

...

Hmm... now that I write it... it doesn't seem all that useful. I suppose it's just kinda cool. For some reason this little device speaks to me.

It says, "Thank you, Daddy, for buying me."

When I peeled off the plastic, it smelled like a Magic card, too. I love that smell.

...

AS YOU CAN TELL, I can't sleep. PLEASE GOD PLEASE LET ME SLEEP TONIGHT. That is all.