Dealbreaker Fantasy

Here I shall describe the seemingly indescribable. The woman I just cannot ever date.

The woman I cannot ever date would think Final Fantasy VIII is better than Final Fantasy VII. The woman I cannot ever date would disagree with me when it came to the assertion that Final Fantasy VI was better than Final Fantasy VII. The woman I cannot ever date would not have played Final Fantasy IX, and if she did, might not agree that it was better than both Final Fantasy VII and Final Fantasy VIII and even Final Fantasy X but clearly not better than Final Fantasy VI.

No, for she would erroneously believe that Final Fantasy X-2 was "pretty good" and better than Final Fantasy IV. She might even mistakenly believe that Final Fantasy I was the best since it started everything off. For even the ugliest of pretty girls would know that CLEARLY X-2 was better than only the worst 1/3 of Final Fantasy games, being II, I, III, and VIII. The pinnacle of attractiveness would simply KNOW that Final Fantasy X brought something exciting and new but it still wasn't enough to best than Final Fantasy VI.

Clearly the undateable woman wouldn't understand that all Final Fantasy Adventure games were impostors and that Mystic Quest was a joke. She might even think Ergheiz was kinda cool. That would be unspeakable and I would be forced to burn her as a witch. It's possible she might think Final Fantasy Tactics was better than Final Fantasy V, which meant her heart was in the right place but, alas, 'tis not Final Fantasy. For it is not the undateable woman's fault that she thinks Final Fantasy XI was a welcome addition to the series, or that Kingdom Hearts is a quality spin-off instead of abusing a cheap cameo. She is just misguided.

Perhaps I shall guide her, this woman I could never date. But the guise of the guide will not take the date's form.








...

What? It's called "poetic prose." Fuck you for not liking it. Bastard.

Oh? That's not what you're talking about? Ah, yeah, well, ah... I haven't played Final Fantasy XII yet. SO KILL ME.