Disappointment and Being a Friend

What can one do about evil? Pure, unadulterated evil? How does one reach when they allow evil to enter and envelop the life of another?

Ok, I'm gonna play the minister card. evil is temptation. Evil is pursuasive. But, see, evil seduces. It's absolutely common to hear those who play with it to affirm, almost convincing themselves, that "they are in control", when, in fact, evil is manipulating a sandbox to play in -- its sandbox -- to make you think you control your domain when you do not.

If you allow evil to affix blinders on you, allow evil to put noise-cancelling headphones on you, allow evil to control the vertical, the horizonal, etc. etc., then you will make what you see as the "best" decision... which happens to be the decision they WANT you to make.

I can't get anymore involved than I am in Diana's life. I don't want to be the "daddy". But it's really really painful seeing someone go backwards in development. I can't fight her fight, all I can do is try to remove the blinders, remove the headphones, pay the cable bill for the descrambler.

The question is whether it hurts so much to see a friend to that to herself that I can't be friends with her. I took that approach with Jenny, and now look at her. I turned my back on her when she really needed me to be strong for her. I failed her. And now I realize that, while not my fault, I let it happen. The more I push, though, the more she'll resist. Stubborn people are stubborn. Lemmings absolutely HAVE to jump off that park bench not being able to find a cliff.

The answer to that question? I don't know yet. She knows it upsets me to know she's giving that guy what he wants, it hurts me to see her fall for the cards played to capture her again. I can just point it out. And I did. What did she say? "Sour grapes." Very nice. It's good to see concern and love for a friend is twisted into some kind of jealousy thing. Puh-lease. That also really hurts. I need her to know my motivation isn't sexual. I can't stay sexually obsessed for too long. Not that I shouldn't (which I shouldn't, true), but I lack the ability. Sexual obsession gives way really quick when I realize I'm barking up something I think is a tree but really is a rock.

Would I? Well, *insert a tremendously good reason why I wouldn't want to touch her in that way unless, say, I'm going to die a few days after. I won't say anything more.* So that point is moot.

I just want the best for my friends.

...

I wish I didn't care about her future, her happiness. Then it'd be REAL easy for me. I'd say, "bah, fuck it" and everything would be fine by me.

WOW! Now with less getting cut off!

I really should stop hanging out with her, though. I'm just far too nice to her and don't get nearly enough in return. It's only a matter of time before she betrays me.